@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
