Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We had to coat check the pizza.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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