How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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