Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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