i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
