tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
