Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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