At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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