so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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