I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
how drunk are you?
Several
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
