it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
