At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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