Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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