i would punch a child for taco bell
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
