Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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