i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
