i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
