Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Me too!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
