We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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