Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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