Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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