I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
