Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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