I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
