Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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