went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
