This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
