You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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