i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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