I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
