A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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