hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
