Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
