That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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