I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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