i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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