I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize