her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
