i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
