take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
