My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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