i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
