I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
