So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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