Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
