I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize