wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
