i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
