I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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