I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
