so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
