You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
