I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize