Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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