he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize