Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
