yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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