When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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