I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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