I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
