Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
