I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
