I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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