I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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