Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
wow bdsm is so cute
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
