I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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