just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize