Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize