Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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