so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
