What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
