no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
