So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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