ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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