You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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