Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
