well I can't set my house on fire every night
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
