Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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