so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
