is your mom at the bar?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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